GBA – Your News, From The Super Bowl to Dog Treats
The Good: We’ll go ahead and start with the good news. Here are this week’s highlights.
Super Bowl XLIX: As all of you know, Super Bowl Sunday just came and went. Whether you were watching the Super Bowl, the Puppy Bowl, or just smoking a super bowl, it was a great day to be glued to the TV. This year’s Super Bowl was one of the most enthralling games we’ve seen in past years (especially last year). The Seattle Seahawks played an amazing game against the New England Patriots, and if it weren’t for an interception in the last 30 seconds, they would have taken home the ultimate prize. Katy Perry held an…interesting halftime show, Missy Elliott gave a surprise performance, and Walter White made a guest appearance in one of those super special Super Bowl commercials. There weren’t any wardrobe malfunctions, and thankfully Katy Perry’s pyrotechnics didn’t set her on fire, that’s always good news.
Abercrombie & Ditch: After almost a decade under serious scrutiny, Abercrombie & Fitch stores are bringing in the best and the brightest to bring the infamous clothing company back to life. Starting this month, brand new presidents who refuse to keep the old ways of Mike Jeffries are working to take the A&F name off America’s 4-letter word list. Stores are getting brighter, the music is quieter, and all those naked people have been taken off the walls (as well as their shopping bags). The company continues to inquire on ways to improve, from reducing their environmental impact to their constant charity efforts. To add to this image change, those shirtless guys out front finally put their clothes on and are actually helping customers, and for the first time in Abercrombie history, you can find the color black! Stores are still continuing to pump their signature Fierce cologne through the ceiling vents, but they’ve reduced that a bit as well. Walking into an A&F is a completely new experience, so if you haven’t been to one in the past couple years, it might be time for a revisit. The plastic troll that was Mike Jeffries is only a terrible memory and a powerless figurehead.
Groundhog Day: Groundhog day was Monday, and while it’s a “holiday” that is easily forgettable and completely useless, it’s nice to be reminded of all the weird things that our founding fathers used to do before smart phones, television, and general knowledge of meteorology. Of course with all the snow across the East coast and the Midwest, there’s no possible way spring is going to come early. It’ll take about 6 weeks for all that snow to melt anyway. But hey, we’re looking on the bright side and announcing The Chive has released new limited edition Bill Murray Groundhog Day t-shirts!
The Bad: Sometimes we forget how fragile our everyday lives can be. Here is the not-so-good news.
Measles Outbreak: As if the Ebola scare wasn’t enough, the world now has another serious disease to watch out for: Measles. While numbers are still fairly low when it comes to global cases (well under 1000 reported), it is still considered by some to be one of the biggest outbreaks in history. Measles was declared eliminated in 2000, but this recent multi-state infection had its epicenter in California’s Disneyland and started in December. The disease is truthfully spreading and a vaccination debate has come out of the woodwork. While some claim vaccinations save lives, others are looking to take the more holistic approach and stay away from the mystery needles. Truthfully, the best way to protect oneself from a disease such as this (or any disease for that matter) is education. Fear mongering and mandatory vaccinations are not going to help anyone, so pick up a book, America, and start finding the smartest way to protect your loved ones.
Bobbi Kristina Brown: Bobbi Kristina Brown, the daughter of the late singer Whitney Houston and rapper Bobby Brown, is currently in a coma from an apparent drug overdose. The 21-year old was found unconscious, face down in her bathtub in her home. Police initially responded to the 911 call as a drowning, but more is suspected to be the cause of the incident. While her family claims that Bobbi is alive, she is still in serious condition, on a ventilator, and doctors are fearing the worst. Bobbi’s overdose comes almost exactly 3 years to the day that her mother was found dead from a drug overdose in a Beverley Hills hotel bathtub. The similarities seem either eerie or purposeful, and the Brown family asks for privacy and prayers in this difficult time.
Former IMF Chief & Prostitution: The IMF (International Monetary Fund) website says that it is “an organization of 188 countries, working to foster global monetary cooperation, secure financial stability, facilitate international trade, promote high employment and sustainable economic growth, and reduce poverty around the world.” That sounds amazing, but their former chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn is now on trial for being “involved” in prostitution. The charges claim something along the lines of “pimping,” claiming he helped procure sex workers for an international prostitution ring in luxury hotels in the United States and Europe. The story makes one think of all those mobster movies, with the high paying and powerful political figures pulling the puppet strings. While some are debating that the case is too public, poking at the private life of an important figure, others are steadfast in keeping this story public. Blowing the lid off of a potentially dangerous and sinister high class prostitution ring is exactly what needs to happen. Rich and powerful people should not, and clearly are not, above the law in some cases.
And The Awkward: Take it as good news, take it as bad news, but uh… here ya go.
Brown’s Quarterback in Treatment: Cleveland Brown’s quarterback Johnny Manziel recently checked into a rehab facility…not the physical kind. Representatives of the player have not revealed the exact reason for his entering the facility, but they do say the trip should benefit Manziel and make him a “better person.” Manziel’s behavior over his past few seasons with the Brown’s has been lax and apathetic at times, and those close to him feel that the off-season is the perfect time for him to get back on track. While there are many reasons why people check into treatment facilities (and rehab is no laughing matter), for a professional football player who shouldn’t be on any drugs to begin with, it seems a little off. We hope the quarterback can come back for a stronger season in the fall.
Woman Steals and Eats Dog Treats: Wal-Mart customers are always the cream of the crop…the one that usually gets overrun by pests and ruins the entire season. Well, a Florida Wal-Mart saw one of its special customers this week when a woman entered the store and proceeded to steal school supplies, stuffing them in a binder in her purse while walking down the aisles. Once she was finished supply
shopping lifting, she went to the pet section and snagged some Rawhide treats from the shelf, tearing the bag open and helping herself to a few before ditching the bag and saving a few in her purse for later. She went as far as paying for a small handful of items before being stopped in the parking lot by loss prevention agents. There are so many things wrong here, it’s difficult to determine where to start.
1: There are cameras in every aisle at Wal-Mart
2: School supplies are some of the cheapest things at Wal-Mart
3: Why a binder?
4: Dog Treats?!
5: If you’re going to steal, why bother paying for anything at all?
Needless to say, the woman was apprehended for her thievery, claiming she was making the binder for her daughter, but no statements were made about the consumed dog treats for some reason.
Katy Perry’s Halftime Show: Not sure what’s more awkward; sharks inappropriately touching Katy Perry, sparks flying out of her back end, dancing palm trees, or Missy Elliott stealing any bit of thunder Ms. Perry might have built during the extremely rushed show. All there is left to say is: Good Luck to whomever got their big dance career break just to be cast as a palm tree…