Moonlight Frights: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
This is a truly appalling piece of cinema. In what has — and will — become my Christmas tradition in watching this particular holiday film, I have found joy watching good ol’ Saint Nick conquer extraterrestrial beings through kindness and wit. As time dwindles and Christmas approaches quicker than ever, this Moonlight Frights post will be a brief review about one of the worst films ever made.
Where do I even begin with how amazingly atrocious Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is?! The make-up on the Martians? The lame headgear that seems to be a Home Depot project gone wrong? Or the freeze ray that has the actors momentarily stop in the middle of the room? Okay, the last one is incredibly hilarious, especially seeing little people being tossed around by Martians (sounds horrible but guarantees a laugh) and the actors move ever so slightly. Oh thank Nicholas special effects are here, because they sure as hell weren’t there in the 60’s.
As for the misleading title, I was expecting Santa Claus to race across space with a candy cane bazooka and slaughtering tiny green men with a “ho ho ho” sound effect. Far from what I envisioned. Santa Claus is actually kidnapped from earth to bring joy and good cheer to Martian children after seeing the man in the red suit make Earthlings happen. When Santa and two earth children are kidnapped, they find the people pleasant and in need of some holiday tidings and set up a makeshift toy shop. While Santa is more than happy to give the Martians an Earth Christmas, others aren’t keen on the jolly good he does and seeks to get rid of him.