Moonlight Frights: ThanksKilling
Where do I even begin? Oh, that’s right. Happy Thanksgiving. While you’re attending a generous feast, others might be camping out for Black Friday, napping, avoiding a murderous turkey, or simply spending time with their loved ones. For me, nothing says Thanksgiving like watching a turkey murder several people in a grizzly fashion. Fowl play is an understatement when you see what Turkie is capable of in ThanksKilling, a modern low budget classic.
Again, where do I even begin?! Turkie’s origins is simple — after being insulted by a pilgrim, a Native American shaman used necromancy to revive a turkey who would wreak havoc on the white men. I wish I were joking. The opening scene has a topless female pilgrim being chased by the ravenous turkey who remarks “Nice tits, bitch” before slaughtering her. If you’ve managed to make it that far, congratulations! In some mystical way Turkie was incapacitated and only brought back centuries later when a dog urinates on the totem that kept Turkie from returning, thus ensuring Turkey would not only kill the dog, but be free to resume his duties.
Per horror standard, five friends (what is it with five friends) are on their way home for the holiday but are forced to crash in the woods. One of the friends has a run-in with Turkie but escapes and when relaying her story, the others laugh it off. Continuing on their way, Turkie tracks down each of the college students and promptly murders several of them before he’s smoked.
Whether you’re rooting for the college kids to survive or Turkie getting his revenge (I was) this film will be the best — or worst — hour of your life. And if you’re complaining about it after you watched it in its entirety, you probably deserve that time wasted. As for what’s about to go into your stomach, be sure not to eat a beak. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.