The 10 Friends You’ll Meet on Facebook
Social media is a part of our every day, especially Facebook. Many of us are borderline obsessed, most of us are hooked — at least to some extent. We all handle our social media accounts differently, so we’ve mapped out those friends we’ve all encountered on the good ol’ FB.
This is the person who has a Facebook page, but might as well not have a Facebook page. Write on this person’s wall, and they might see it some two weeks after the fact – often thanking you for those birthday wishes long after it seems socially acceptable. They either haven’t quite gotten the hang of social media, or they make a point to rebel for other social reasons. The Ghost is still hoping for that day that Facebook and Twitter stop being so popular and everyone starts speaking face-to-face once again. We hope they’re not holding their breath.
The Family Man (or Woman):
This person typically has a photo of their kids as their profile picture. Any posts made by The Family Man are geared towards anything family and love-related. E-cards, memes, and shared posts are all involving relationships and the “goals” that go along with them. Cheesy engagement (or wedding) pics are typically The Family Man’s cover photo. The fact that this person got engagement photos speaks volumes right there. It’s often rare to see The Family Man out in public, as he is most likely at home with the kids watching Netflix.
The Click Bait Victim:
The Click Bait Victim often has trouble in the real world, because they’re spending most of the day clicking through embarrassing celebrity slideshows online. There is rarely anything about this person’s life on their Facebook page. If it has gone viral, The Victim has already shared it. This person is the friend to blame when you find yourself wondering why you’re clicking through the 15 most shocking celebrity Twitter beefs.
This friend is constantly posting about how awesome their life is. There is rarely anything negative on the Narcissist’s page, whether that actually reflects reality is yet to be determined. Selfie upon selfie upon selfie make up their multitude of profile pictures, and if they do something like dance, model, or practice yoga, you’ll be informed of their pride and progress through videos and photos more often than you really care to see. The Narcissist is also the person who posts extensive and lengthy Snapchat stories on the daily.
The Gamer is that distant friend or relative that you can’t bring yourself to unfriend for fear of hurting their feelings, but all those Facebook game invites make you seriously consider finding and physically hurting them in order to make them stop. You wish you could shake them, telling them you really don’t care how their farm in Farmville is doing. No matter how many ignored invites are sent, they keep on trying. We give the Gamer an A for effort, but…get a life.
The Pity Party:
This friend announces everything for the world to see, especially anything negative. The Pity Party often tells the world of every annoyance, every breakup, and every bad day they’ve ever had. You often don’t need to ask this person about their love life, recent troubles, or recent relationships — they’ve gone ahead and posted about them for the world to see before you have a chance. The Pity Party is also most likely to create a GoFundMe campaign.
The Sex Addict:
The Sex Addict most likely has a naked somebody as their profile picture – at times even themselves in their birthday suit. This friend is often posting the most vulgar and offensive posts allowed on Facebook without running the risk of being blocked or flagged. The Sex Addict probably has more than a few robot Facebook friends soliciting webcam chats with hot ladies. You find yourself thinking “Wow, too much information.” when scrolling through their recent posts.
This person is constantly looking for ways to make life easier. The Researcher is most likely very active on Pinterest, finding the latest “life hacks” and “easy recipes” to post for everyone, usually with a “You’re welcome” added to it. The Researcher always has an answer for everything, often thinking their intelligence is higher than others. Whether or not they actually create any of the awesome things they find on Pintrest is an entirely different story.
You have 5 friends or less in common with your Stalker. You can’t remember where you met this person, or even why you accepted their friend request, but you haven’t unfriended them quite yet because they account for about 90% of the likes on any post you publish to your page. The Stalker will often comment with motivating and encouraging words of wisdom for you. You find yourself sympathizing and often let the one-sided friendship continue.
The Politician is extremely passionate about pretty much anything that could possibly require an opinion. In fact, this friend often makes their own opinion about subjects that most don’t even consider. The Politician is easy to spot by their extremely lengthy statuses that require you to click to keep reading. Often times once you do continue, the novel that they’ve written seems too time consuming for Facebook so you just go straight to the comments to see what others have to say. At times, The Politician often piques your interest and you’re left wondering what they’re actually doing about all these hot button issues…probably nothing.